Caring for the Caregiver

Most of us have given care to a loved one or have been the recipient of care. Yet, for many of us, caregiving is not a normalized topic of discussion. Why do we not educate ourselves on some tools that we can have available for use before a crisis arises?

The truth is that caregiving has a way of narrowing the world. Days can become defined by appointments, medications, vigilance, and repetition. Time bends. Conversations circle the same updates. The role can be deeply meaningful or profoundly exhausting, sometimes within the same hour.

February, with its quiet energy and changing days, offers a natural moment to pause and consider what it means to care for the caregiver.

Listed below are brief examples of some of the most important learnings I recently recognized while caregiving for a loved one. Maybe one of these could help support you.

• There is still an outside world. Caregiving can be all consuming, gradually shrinking one's attention until everything revolves around what is needed next. Staying connected to the lives of others matters. Asking friends to share stories, photos, updates, or small moments from their days can be surprisingly grounding. It helps interrupt the loop of constantly repeating the ever-changing, or never-changing, details of caregiving and restores a sense of belonging to a wider community. Ask for help and share your needs.
  

• Curiosity can also be a powerful ally. Shifting perspective, even briefly, can change the emotional weight of a moment. Imagine stepping into the role of a research scientist, a writer, or an investigator. What patterns are emerging within the situation? What details stand out? What questions arise? This perspective does not remove the difficulty, but it can create just enough identity distance to breathe and see the situation with fresh eyes. Write down your observations using a different lens.
  

• Caregiving brings a full range of co-existing emotions. Love, grief, frustration, tenderness, anger, fear, and exhaustion often simmer together. Allowing space for all of them matters. Sitting with and accepting emotions rather than pushing them away builds strength and resilience. Feeling emotions is not a sign of failure. It is part of the process. Reframe fear of emotions to being thankful for them. An ability to feel means you are still alive.
  

• And then there is laughter. Sometimes it arrives unexpectedly in those moments that fall squarely into the category of "I cannot believe this is happening." When laughter shows up, it is not disrespectful or dismissive. It is human. It is a release. It is a reminder that joy can still exist alongside responsibility. Share moments of laughter with someone you trust.
  

• Taking a longer view can also offer guidance. Imagine looking back ten years from now. What would feel important to be proud of in this season? Not perfection. Not having done everything right. But perhaps focus on kindness. Presence. Patience. Or the courage to ask for help. Find a word that you can hold on to that would be helpful to keep you centered.
  

• Small sensory moments can provide anchors throughout the day. Step into sunshine, even briefly. Let peaceful quiet settle in a room. Run cold water over your hands. Smell a flower or just-washed laundry. These moments may seem insignificant, yet they regulate the nervous system in powerful ways. Focus intentionally on each of the senses for five seconds at a time. What can be positively seen? Heard? Felt? Smelled? Tasted? This brief return to the body helps interrupt what can overwhelm us and brings attention back to the present moment.

Gentle coaching invitation:

Choose one of the above practices this week and experiment with it when things are relatively calm. Caregiving skills are easier to access when they have been practiced before they are urgently needed. Think of this as training the nervous system with compassion rather than waiting for a crisis.

Reflective questions:

1. Which of these practices feels most accessible right now?

2. How might caring for the senses today make future caregiving moments feel more sustainable?

3. What would practicing these skills before they are needed change for you?

Having a non-judgmental shoulder to lean on for support was imperative for me. Let me know if you want to talk.

In your corner,

Linda